Coming out is kind of a big deal. Always has been, even in places where being gay is becoming more accepted. And since I've already been involuntarily outed twice—I'm unsure if that's a big or small number—I've been rather measured in choosing who I confide in.
Say there are two good friends that I care about. Why might I share with one of them my every thought and struggle and hope and dream, and not ever share anything really personal with the other? There are myriad reasons for this choice, whether it be that I feel one of them can "handle the truth" whilst the other can't, or that one of them just isn't ready for it yet, or perhaps just that I don't like the idea of some friends knowing that I'm gay for fear that it would change the perception of me that I think they have. It doesn't even matter if they're good understanding Christians. Sometimes I like being "just another straight guy". Because unfortunately, very often you can't just be "one of the guys" when all the guys know you're gay.
Whatever the reasons, suffice to say I'm picky about who I let into my inner confidence, as should everyone be. All these thoughts have sprung up because a friend of mine has been trying to persuade me to come out to my parents. Or rather, he has been encouraging me to do so, citing the fact that he came out to his and it turned out well.
I know he means well, and I appreciate his concern and how his situation turned out well. But I have my doubts. My parents are not like his parents. My culture is not like his culture. My country is not like his country. I am not him.
Do I want my parents to know? I... don't know. I'm quite happy living this little masquerade. If my parents think I'm straight, I don't think I'm too bothered to change their perspective. Sure, maybe it could it turn out the way my friend says, that things will go good and it'll improve the familial relationship and blah blah blah, all the great stuff you see in Hallmark movies. But it could also go horribly wrong. There could be nasty reactions, dire consequences, fear of disgrace of family honour and name. And I don't want to have to go through that.
You never know unless you try. But I don't think I'm going to try. This closet is comfortable. Plus the decor is fabulous.