How do you put it into words?

How do you put it into words?

How can you express it? That itchy empty feeling... That void that gnaws at you.

It's just the beginning of the new year, and it strikes you that with the holidays, your faith also took a vacation. It came to a point where you simply just existed. You simply lived day to day, living in the moment. You were a shell, driven by needs and wants.

You realize that you're driven by the need to love that particular person who can't ever know you love him, who can't ever know the things you go through everyday, that whenever you see him your emotions soar so high, and despite the knowledge of the inevitable re-death when you crash back to earth, you can't help but feel that when you don't see him, the day feels empty.

And all the while you wish you had that same devotion for God. You wish you had that same desire in you for the One who saved you. And with this new year, the responsibilities of church and Christianity loom, and you find myself tired. Tired of doing but not living. Tired of feeling like it's a responsibility rather than a desire.

Is this a sign of spiritual stagnation? Is this a sign that you should move on? How do you shake this feeling and climb out of this rut? Or perhaps it's a sign that you never had what you think you did?

And throughout it all, you somehow feel you've missed the point. You feel like the poster-child for hypocrisy, and it almost feels like the only option is to run away. But where would you run? Where could you go? Seems like all that's left is for you to keep at the routine and hope and pray that God will show you an exit. That He will remind You of your purpose. That He will rekindle the fire that was in you.

If there ever was one to begin with.