What kind of boyfriend would I be?

What kind of boyfriend would I be?

Been pondering that question for quite a while, and I figure I'd probably be the jealous type. Now, I've never actually been in a real relationship where I've had the chance to see how my feelings would fare under emotional pressure, so I can't say for sure. But judging from the way I handle friends, I'd probably be one of those green-monster type boyfriends.

It used to be that I took pride in how I handled my desires for other guys. If I met a guy I was attracted to, I inevitably fell for him. What I would always do was to set it straight in my head that nothing would ever come of the friendship, and that it would always remain just that-- a friendship. And in doing so, I would take all that emotional energy that would've gone into the relationship (if there was ever to be one), and put it into the friendship. What would subsequently result was friendships that were characterized by much closeness and no shortage of brotherly affection.

But lately I've found myself questioning it all. Have I really been successful at it? Looking back on my friendships, I wonder— Have I been deluding myself? I've been possessive of my friends before, and felt hurt many times by friends I cherished. I know that people do feel like this with friends they feel close to, but is my case different because I harbour deeper feelings for these friends?

Throughout all these questions, I wonder what Jesus would do. Then again, I doubt Jesus ever struggled with homosexual attraction marring his friendships.