I've been thinking back to my early days, prying apart the stifled memories and clouded thoughts I buried so long ago because I never wanted to remember. It was always easier to forget.
But I'm remembering things from my early childhood. I remember attractions that had been relegated to the dark recesses of my mind. I vividly remember being six years old, and meeting my future best friend for the first time, and immediately thinking, "Wow, he's cute." He would be the object of my attraction for the next 2 years. I'd wanted to be around him and harboured strong emotions, the depth of which shocked and confused me. As the years progressed, I experienced things a kid should never experience. So much so that I did not enjoy a lot of my childhood.
It all makes me wonder. At which point did I become gay? I reject the idea of being born gay, as that would mean God created me to be gay, and I wholeheartedly deny that idea. But to have been six years old and attracted to another boy in a manner beyond the platonic? Perhaps sexual curiosity at that age is natural sometimes?
I can't help but wonder what would my life would be like now if I hadn't gone down those paths...
Anyhoo, I've spruced up the blog a bit. Also gave the links list a much-needed pictorial makeover. Neat, yes? Oh, and here's a really cute video. I guarantee it.
Hi,
Please allow me to say something: Your thinking is awesome!
My earliest memories of attraction to boy were in pre-school period. And so I think you're not alone! Sometimes I wondered whether it was friendship? Or was it just simply being fond of them as people you can relate to spychologically and physically? But I remember those feelings and attitudes carried on into the puberty period and they have never changed. Does this imply if someone who has these attractions really thrist for friendship or an imtimate same-sex friend? But even if that were true, why would that friendship be twisted into anerotic context? How bizzare, I cannot even think any more!!
Keep up the posts man! Interesting thinking!
allends
4:14 PMMy earliest attraction to a man wasn't until about sixth grade. It was John Rzeznik of the Goo Goo Dolls, actually. I saw him on TV and went, "Wow, he's cute." I was immediately horrified.
I actually remember having crushes--infatuations, actually--with girls in elementary school, but nothing sexual came out of it.
I do believe that there could be biological causes for homosexuality (which means I do believe that one could be "born that way").
This does not mean that God created you to be gay any more than God created you to be a liar or a fornicator. We are by our very innate nature sinful creatures. This is not God's doing, but is the result of the Fall. So, don't be so sure that there was no biological factor in your sexuality.
P.S. I just found your blog and I love it. Mind if I link to you?
Jay
1:09 PM[beast] Thanx, I will.
[jay] Though I said I reject the idea of being born gay, I really meant that I reject the notion that it is solely a nature thing. I also do not believe it is solely nurture. I believe both factors play a part.
And sure, link away.
Ash
5:54 PM